The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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