I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
