my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
