Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
