I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
