found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
