He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
