went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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