Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
