umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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