it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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