worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
