Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
