Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
operation harelip BJ is a go
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
