Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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