Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
