yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
