i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
