No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
