woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
