People in love make me want to vomit
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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