Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
