I'm drive I can fine osifer
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
