I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
