How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
