I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry about my life...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
