Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
