No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
