if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think my fart just growled at me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he shaved USA in his pubs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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