I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
