Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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