why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
