sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
