I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
