note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sex in a hospital.. check
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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