that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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