i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
