the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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