Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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