Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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