I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
