You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
