I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
