She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
