For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
