forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
