This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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