I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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