Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
