Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
