You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
