after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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