i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
