Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
