Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
